I am making myself do this. Three nights in a row, I've started a post and deleted everything halfway through. I can't seem to collect myself properly.

This weekend was pretty great. I picked Charrmaine up late Friday evening from the train station. We had a late dinner, and spent the night chit chatting about all the goings-on in our lives. We stayed up late watching late night television, which I haven't done in such a long time.

The next day, we were very, very lazy. We somehow managed to watch a good 2 hours of Discovery channel before standing up and getting on with the day. We had coffee and doughnuts. We watched the new John Cusack movie, Igor. It was... kinda meh, sadly. I took her to Boston's for late lunch/early dinner. It was delicious, as always (I was just now reminded that Jasmine said she owes me a birthday dinner... we will go here!)

We also found time to go the beach for a little while. I honestly can't remember the last time I went to the beach, and actually stood in the sand. I'm fairly certain that whenever the last time I went to the beach was, I stayed in my car, or on a bench somewhere away from the sand. It was very likely in 2007. Serious.

It was such a gorgeous day for a beach visit, too. Just as the sun was setting. Very cold, very cloudy, very grey. It's what I consider to be the absolute best beach weather. I even got rained on! Superb.

There was a little get together at my place on Saturday. Sarah, Carrie, Mallory, Alex all came to hang out with Charrmaine and I. Later, a small visit from Austin, who I hadn't seen in a very long time. I finally got to try Absolut Los Angeles, which I've been searching for. Had it over Sprite and a little bit of grenadine. Very good stuff. Very strong!! I got just the tiniest bit drunk. Just a smidge, I swear.

The next morning we woke up early to get breakfast at Denny's before she caught the train back up. We chatted only briefly before we had the realization that we both must be doing pretty darn good in our lives now, because we just didn't have all that much drama to sort through.

Perhaps we're growing up yet.

It was a very long weekend, that somehow wasn't long enough. Very lazy. Just what the doctored ordered.

I spent tonight watching episodes of Fringe. The show is right up her alley, but I'm still not 100% on it yet. I think it's finally starting to shape up though. So, I'm hanging on for now.

Talked to Emily briefly about a visit. She is thinking about hopping on a jetplane and heading westward to come visit. Excited doesn't even begin to cover it. The month of February was mentioned. She asked when a good time, weather wise, would be to come visit. My first thought was about the best time to visit, Disneyland crowd wise... Far more important than weather.

I have too many balls in the air right now, it seems. Trying to sort through this mess of paperwork between having to go do drivers school for a speeding ticket I got in January, and dealing with car insurance payments, and figuring out why my apartment complex is calling me 3 months after my lease expired to "let me know" that my lease has expired.... c'mon. It feels like I've got these things being juggled right now, and somehow, amazingly, I'm doing a pretty decent job.

So, what's next, I wonder.

Goodnight Moon.
Dream On.

I'm starting to think that I may have insomnia. Or, at the very least, I'm just not tired anymore. The past few nights I've been going to bed at around 3am. I crawl into bed around midnight, maybe 12:30am, but I just lay there. Tossing, turning. I can't sleep. It's starting to get a little annoying.

Firstly, Happy Birthday, Emily!! I've long said that her birthday (which is just a few days after mine) makes me feel older than my own do. Somehow, this year is an exception to that. 23 just doesn't sound as old as 27. Twenty three years old, though. Wow -- I mean, that's 11 years. Far and away the longest friendship I've ever had. Next year, will be pretty huge, as it will be the 50% mark. We'll have been friends for 12 years, and we met when she was 12. Yikes.

This week has been awful quiet, and I've been just fine with that. I've been enjoying the time at home alone (gasp!), getting small things around the apartment done. I hung with Mallory on Monday, and a little last night. But today and Tuesday I had to myself. I cleaned up my room a little bit, got my finances in order, got caught up on the last two episodes of How I Met Your Mother and Fringe, a little bit of this, a little bit of that. It's been pretty okay.

Tomorrow, though, is where the fun really begins. Charrmaine is coming down for the weekend. I'll be picking her up tomorrow from the train station. She'll be crashing here for two nights, and heading back up sunday morning. We have no real plans except to simply talk and get each other caught up.

And, oh yes -- there will be drinks.

Saturday evening I've invited a handful of old Borders mates to hang and celebrate in the Charrmaine-in-town-ness. This will be the 2nd time I've seen them since I said I no longer plan to hang with them. So, you can clearly see I'm a mad of my words.

I've been giving thought about a Halloween party. I need to commit one way or another before it becomes too last-minute. I just know that if I decide to do it, I'm gonna have to decorate my place somehow. Which... means money.

I've been fighting out those horrible thoughts about death. I'm well aware that existential crisis of mine won't ever be cured, but I'm trying my best to keep it to a minimum. To be perfectly honest - it's really quite debilitating. It comes on like a wave... and the rest of the day is shot. I'm not able to get back on track.

I find it pretty funny that my head is always flooded with ideas to write about, but as soon as I start writing--

Goodnight Moon.
Not out of the woods yet.

So, yeah. Twenty seven years old. When did that happen? Christ.

Kind of a lot going on, and I don't have much energy to sum it all up. My birthday was, all-in-all, pretty good. The part I was looking forward to most, going out to dinner for pizza at Boston's with the family (and Mallory!), almost didn't happen. My mom was told at the beginning of the week that she will have to go back into surgery to remedy an infection in the wound from the first surgery. Not good. The date ended up being set to Friday, so we were able to go out on Thursday.

I spent Friday night watching episodes of Boston Legal with Mallory. We hung out until 2 in the morning. Things have been kind of rocky between us in a very strange, unexplainable way for a few weeks now. But, I think over the last week we've really been mellowing out and finding our rhythm of things. Everything is feeling much more normal and natural right now. So, obviously this a good thing.

The majority of today was spent cleaning up my apartment. I finally feel "moved in." A full year after technically moving in. A lot of the art I had packed away in boxes are now up on walls. I no longer have an empty wall to hang stuff! This is a problem I welcome. I also managed to fashion a great end table out of some boxes and wood. My apartment definitely feels new, and I love it. Now I just gotta tackle my bedroom with the rest of my non-Disney artwork.

Later, Mallory, Sarah and Carrie all came over to hang out, have drinks, and play Wii. Mallory made a delicious (and amazingly pretty) birthday cake. Mint chocolate, mmmm... This little shindig had been on-again off-again Friday, and most of Saturday. I had originally wanted it to be more of party with more people, but I am very happy with the way it turned out. Just a good quiet night in. With lots of alcohol.

So, the birthday list as it stands. Todd and Beth got me the pictured-above Mickey vinyl figure. It's super cute, and I need to find a better place to display it. Danny got me nothing. My parents took my printer to get repaired, which I'm very excited about. They promise more gifts to come when they can go out and do it, which is just fine with me. Mallory got me the hardcover edition of the Haunted Mansion comics, which I had been eye-balling since it came out months ago. Emily painted me a gorgeous painting, which is now proudly hanging on my wall. Sarah (Curtis) got me a big bottle of Sailor Jerry's rum, with the generous offer to help me drink it. And, I think that about does it.

Let's hope next year is at least as good as this.

Edit: Here be pictures of some of the stuff I did, and was too lazy to post last night.

Goodnight Moon.
Dream On.

There is so much you don't know about me.

Goodnight Moon.
Dream On.

So, after a long, long while of not doing anything with those t-shirts I got printed up, I'm going to give this one more try. Things will have to start off slow. Slow and comfortable. But I will get some traction this time. I plan to sell off the rest of these #1000 shirts for cheap. Ten bucks or something. Then re-design it, get some new ones printed up. Some new designs floating in my head. I might be seeking some partnership with.... a guy. Yes.

Mallory took some (100+) photographs of herself modeling my t-shirt. She's gonna bring them over for me to sort through tomorrow. This issue of t-shirt models have been the only excuse I've had left for not getting this up and running again. So I am now fresh out of excuses.

I did a little bit of cleaning around my room and found an old notebook of mine. I used it for the last couple semesters of school as a note taking device thing. I dusted it off (literally) and am gonna try to find a place for it in my day-to-day life now. A to-do list, a place for random thoughts. I've tried to get organized so many times before using fancy desktop calendars on the computer, or agendas in my phone... nothing seems to beat old fashioned paper and pen.

The Malster and I took a trip to Disneyland yesterday. I am quite certain it was the weirdest Disneyland visit she's ever had. We went on a total of 4 rides all day long. Spent countless hours just sitting and people watching. Every time we've been before, it's been a pretty typical day. Trying to get many rides in, staying busy. But I was feeling very lazy yesterday, and really just wanted to sit.

I could (and have before) go to Disneyland and not go on a single ride. I'd be happy with just a churro and a mint julep, and sit. Just sit.

We finished the night with a trip to the new Cheesecake Factory, and ate way too much food. I'm still working on my dessert, actually.

So, my birthday is later this week. We'll see how that goes. I admit -- I'm less than skeptic this time around.

The question mark is growing limp. The last of the embers that smoldered, have been doused cold by booze. The distance feels greater now than ever before. Your place has been defined.

Goodnight Moon.
Looking Up.

I kinda don't even want to talk about today. It felt like a 12 hour clusterfuck of stupidity. So, let's move on.

Tera came back from her trip to the Bahamas over the weekend (why the hell does it seem like everyone is traveling right now! Dammit!), and we had a chance to catch up. She admits to being pretty depressed (too) over the past couple of weeks, even though as far as I can tell she's in a pretty great place in her life. It finally seems as though the latest boy chapter of her life is closed.

We also managed to make semi-plans for this tattoo outing. She "knows a guy" that's gonna do her for free. Not exactly the best recommendation for something permanent, but hey. I am excited about it. I'm well aware I'm very likely gonna try to chicken out when it comes down to it... but i'm going to try very hard not to. It'll be really awesome to have matching tattoos with her.

Trying to keep busy. It helps keep my mind off everything. I've got a couple projects now that I think will help with that. The only downside is that the project I'd like to work on most costs a fair bit of money.

New-Chris made an appearance today. Must be a cold day in hell.

Goodnight Moon.

This has been a bit of an eventful weekend.

Sadly, it started with me calling out from work on Friday when I woke up to my eye being crusted shut. Gross, I know. My eye had been itching and watering (just the one) and being all kinds of annoying all week long. I went to the doctor, and sure enough, I've got the pink eye.

And let's stop your thoughts right now -- I did not get poo in my eye.

So, I was given some medicated eyedrops and things are looking up. My eye still gets occasionally juicy now and again, but I should be back to normal real soon.

I really hate missing days of work like that. With a department so small, it can really back up when a speed bump like this comes along. I'm also bummed I missed Marke's last day before his month-long trek through Euope. I also had to cancel my plans to go up to LA that night. No concert for me. Charrmaine was very understanding, but I still feel like a douche. I owe her two dinners now.

My dad and I hung out a little on Saturday. As part of an early birthday present, we took my printer into a shop for repair. A couple years ago I got a really kick-ass printer for school work. Large format, excellent quality, the whole nine. Shortly after getting it, it stopped working. I was too busy in school to get it fixed, and it quickly fell to the back burner on my list of things to do. After school, it was off the stove altogether. But I had the random thought to suggest it as a birthday gift, and I'm glad for it. It's a pretty expensive printer that is otherwise collecting dust.

In the evening, Mallory and I went to go see Burn After Reading. I'm undecided about the movie. I read a review before watching it that said it was as funny as Big Lebowski. Which... it just wasn't even close. So, I think I went in expecting too much. It wasn't at all a bad movie -- very much a Coen Brothers film, and have they ever gone wrong? But it just wasn't the movie I was expecting, so I feel a little let down.

Mallory and I discussed a lot of the stuff that has been plaguing our friendship over the past week. Some of it was typical misunderstandings, or "I've been feeling this way for a long time and it's just now boiling to the top" type stuff. By the end of the night things were far more "normal" between us. She reluctantly agreed to watch a few episodes of Boston Legal... and gave it a 7 out of 10. Not bad for the first few episodes.

It was kinda neat to watch Boston Legal. The first time I've seen it since being back from Boston. I immediately recognized some of the arial and scenic shots that go between commercial breaks. Yay for travel!

Right as I dropped Mallory off at her place, my phone rang. It was Emily! I kinda stared at the screen for a moment or two, not sure what I should do. I haven't spoken to her on the phone in years, and years. I honestly can't think of how long it's been. More than likely only once since we broke up, ten years ago.

As surreal as it was to hear her voice -- and how much older it sounded -- we ended up having an excellent conversation about everything going on in my life. She said she didn't know if she could believe my Tweets about having a good weekend.

Doctor Taylor, making house calls. Taking care of me, as she always, always has.

As far as that depression goes. I can't say that's all gone, but I do feel this weekend had a few choice realizations that I need to hang on to for strength. I am ready, now more than ever, for some serious life changes. Its quickly becoming a matter of life and death.

Goodnight Moon.
Thank You.