I am making myself do this. Three nights in a row, I've started a post and deleted everything halfway through. I can't seem to collect myself properly.

This weekend was pretty great. I picked Charrmaine up late Friday evening from the train station. We had a late dinner, and spent the night chit chatting about all the goings-on in our lives. We stayed up late watching late night television, which I haven't done in such a long time.

The next day, we were very, very lazy. We somehow managed to watch a good 2 hours of Discovery channel before standing up and getting on with the day. We had coffee and doughnuts. We watched the new John Cusack movie, Igor. It was... kinda meh, sadly. I took her to Boston's for late lunch/early dinner. It was delicious, as always (I was just now reminded that Jasmine said she owes me a birthday dinner... we will go here!)

We also found time to go the beach for a little while. I honestly can't remember the last time I went to the beach, and actually stood in the sand. I'm fairly certain that whenever the last time I went to the beach was, I stayed in my car, or on a bench somewhere away from the sand. It was very likely in 2007. Serious.

It was such a gorgeous day for a beach visit, too. Just as the sun was setting. Very cold, very cloudy, very grey. It's what I consider to be the absolute best beach weather. I even got rained on! Superb.

There was a little get together at my place on Saturday. Sarah, Carrie, Mallory, Alex all came to hang out with Charrmaine and I. Later, a small visit from Austin, who I hadn't seen in a very long time. I finally got to try Absolut Los Angeles, which I've been searching for. Had it over Sprite and a little bit of grenadine. Very good stuff. Very strong!! I got just the tiniest bit drunk. Just a smidge, I swear.

The next morning we woke up early to get breakfast at Denny's before she caught the train back up. We chatted only briefly before we had the realization that we both must be doing pretty darn good in our lives now, because we just didn't have all that much drama to sort through.

Perhaps we're growing up yet.

It was a very long weekend, that somehow wasn't long enough. Very lazy. Just what the doctored ordered.

I spent tonight watching episodes of Fringe. The show is right up her alley, but I'm still not 100% on it yet. I think it's finally starting to shape up though. So, I'm hanging on for now.

Talked to Emily briefly about a visit. She is thinking about hopping on a jetplane and heading westward to come visit. Excited doesn't even begin to cover it. The month of February was mentioned. She asked when a good time, weather wise, would be to come visit. My first thought was about the best time to visit, Disneyland crowd wise... Far more important than weather.

I have too many balls in the air right now, it seems. Trying to sort through this mess of paperwork between having to go do drivers school for a speeding ticket I got in January, and dealing with car insurance payments, and figuring out why my apartment complex is calling me 3 months after my lease expired to "let me know" that my lease has expired.... c'mon. It feels like I've got these things being juggled right now, and somehow, amazingly, I'm doing a pretty decent job.

So, what's next, I wonder.

Goodnight Moon.
Dream On.

I'm starting to think that I may have insomnia. Or, at the very least, I'm just not tired anymore. The past few nights I've been going to bed at around 3am. I crawl into bed around midnight, maybe 12:30am, but I just lay there. Tossing, turning. I can't sleep. It's starting to get a little annoying.

Firstly, Happy Birthday, Emily!! I've long said that her birthday (which is just a few days after mine) makes me feel older than my own do. Somehow, this year is an exception to that. 23 just doesn't sound as old as 27. Twenty three years old, though. Wow -- I mean, that's 11 years. Far and away the longest friendship I've ever had. Next year, will be pretty huge, as it will be the 50% mark. We'll have been friends for 12 years, and we met when she was 12. Yikes.

This week has been awful quiet, and I've been just fine with that. I've been enjoying the time at home alone (gasp!), getting small things around the apartment done. I hung with Mallory on Monday, and a little last night. But today and Tuesday I had to myself. I cleaned up my room a little bit, got my finances in order, got caught up on the last two episodes of How I Met Your Mother and Fringe, a little bit of this, a little bit of that. It's been pretty okay.

Tomorrow, though, is where the fun really begins. Charrmaine is coming down for the weekend. I'll be picking her up tomorrow from the train station. She'll be crashing here for two nights, and heading back up sunday morning. We have no real plans except to simply talk and get each other caught up.

And, oh yes -- there will be drinks.

Saturday evening I've invited a handful of old Borders mates to hang and celebrate in the Charrmaine-in-town-ness. This will be the 2nd time I've seen them since I said I no longer plan to hang with them. So, you can clearly see I'm a mad of my words.

I've been giving thought about a Halloween party. I need to commit one way or another before it becomes too last-minute. I just know that if I decide to do it, I'm gonna have to decorate my place somehow. Which... means money.

I've been fighting out those horrible thoughts about death. I'm well aware that existential crisis of mine won't ever be cured, but I'm trying my best to keep it to a minimum. To be perfectly honest - it's really quite debilitating. It comes on like a wave... and the rest of the day is shot. I'm not able to get back on track.

I find it pretty funny that my head is always flooded with ideas to write about, but as soon as I start writing--

Goodnight Moon.
Not out of the woods yet.

So, yeah. Twenty seven years old. When did that happen? Christ.

Kind of a lot going on, and I don't have much energy to sum it all up. My birthday was, all-in-all, pretty good. The part I was looking forward to most, going out to dinner for pizza at Boston's with the family (and Mallory!), almost didn't happen. My mom was told at the beginning of the week that she will have to go back into surgery to remedy an infection in the wound from the first surgery. Not good. The date ended up being set to Friday, so we were able to go out on Thursday.

I spent Friday night watching episodes of Boston Legal with Mallory. We hung out until 2 in the morning. Things have been kind of rocky between us in a very strange, unexplainable way for a few weeks now. But, I think over the last week we've really been mellowing out and finding our rhythm of things. Everything is feeling much more normal and natural right now. So, obviously this a good thing.

The majority of today was spent cleaning up my apartment. I finally feel "moved in." A full year after technically moving in. A lot of the art I had packed away in boxes are now up on walls. I no longer have an empty wall to hang stuff! This is a problem I welcome. I also managed to fashion a great end table out of some boxes and wood. My apartment definitely feels new, and I love it. Now I just gotta tackle my bedroom with the rest of my non-Disney artwork.

Later, Mallory, Sarah and Carrie all came over to hang out, have drinks, and play Wii. Mallory made a delicious (and amazingly pretty) birthday cake. Mint chocolate, mmmm... This little shindig had been on-again off-again Friday, and most of Saturday. I had originally wanted it to be more of party with more people, but I am very happy with the way it turned out. Just a good quiet night in. With lots of alcohol.

So, the birthday list as it stands. Todd and Beth got me the pictured-above Mickey vinyl figure. It's super cute, and I need to find a better place to display it. Danny got me nothing. My parents took my printer to get repaired, which I'm very excited about. They promise more gifts to come when they can go out and do it, which is just fine with me. Mallory got me the hardcover edition of the Haunted Mansion comics, which I had been eye-balling since it came out months ago. Emily painted me a gorgeous painting, which is now proudly hanging on my wall. Sarah (Curtis) got me a big bottle of Sailor Jerry's rum, with the generous offer to help me drink it. And, I think that about does it.

Let's hope next year is at least as good as this.

Edit: Here be pictures of some of the stuff I did, and was too lazy to post last night.

Goodnight Moon.
Dream On.

There is so much you don't know about me.

Goodnight Moon.
Dream On.

So, after a long, long while of not doing anything with those t-shirts I got printed up, I'm going to give this one more try. Things will have to start off slow. Slow and comfortable. But I will get some traction this time. I plan to sell off the rest of these #1000 shirts for cheap. Ten bucks or something. Then re-design it, get some new ones printed up. Some new designs floating in my head. I might be seeking some partnership with.... a guy. Yes.

Mallory took some (100+) photographs of herself modeling my t-shirt. She's gonna bring them over for me to sort through tomorrow. This issue of t-shirt models have been the only excuse I've had left for not getting this up and running again. So I am now fresh out of excuses.

I did a little bit of cleaning around my room and found an old notebook of mine. I used it for the last couple semesters of school as a note taking device thing. I dusted it off (literally) and am gonna try to find a place for it in my day-to-day life now. A to-do list, a place for random thoughts. I've tried to get organized so many times before using fancy desktop calendars on the computer, or agendas in my phone... nothing seems to beat old fashioned paper and pen.

The Malster and I took a trip to Disneyland yesterday. I am quite certain it was the weirdest Disneyland visit she's ever had. We went on a total of 4 rides all day long. Spent countless hours just sitting and people watching. Every time we've been before, it's been a pretty typical day. Trying to get many rides in, staying busy. But I was feeling very lazy yesterday, and really just wanted to sit.

I could (and have before) go to Disneyland and not go on a single ride. I'd be happy with just a churro and a mint julep, and sit. Just sit.

We finished the night with a trip to the new Cheesecake Factory, and ate way too much food. I'm still working on my dessert, actually.

So, my birthday is later this week. We'll see how that goes. I admit -- I'm less than skeptic this time around.

The question mark is growing limp. The last of the embers that smoldered, have been doused cold by booze. The distance feels greater now than ever before. Your place has been defined.

Goodnight Moon.
Looking Up.

I kinda don't even want to talk about today. It felt like a 12 hour clusterfuck of stupidity. So, let's move on.

Tera came back from her trip to the Bahamas over the weekend (why the hell does it seem like everyone is traveling right now! Dammit!), and we had a chance to catch up. She admits to being pretty depressed (too) over the past couple of weeks, even though as far as I can tell she's in a pretty great place in her life. It finally seems as though the latest boy chapter of her life is closed.

We also managed to make semi-plans for this tattoo outing. She "knows a guy" that's gonna do her for free. Not exactly the best recommendation for something permanent, but hey. I am excited about it. I'm well aware I'm very likely gonna try to chicken out when it comes down to it... but i'm going to try very hard not to. It'll be really awesome to have matching tattoos with her.

Trying to keep busy. It helps keep my mind off everything. I've got a couple projects now that I think will help with that. The only downside is that the project I'd like to work on most costs a fair bit of money.

New-Chris made an appearance today. Must be a cold day in hell.

Goodnight Moon.

This has been a bit of an eventful weekend.

Sadly, it started with me calling out from work on Friday when I woke up to my eye being crusted shut. Gross, I know. My eye had been itching and watering (just the one) and being all kinds of annoying all week long. I went to the doctor, and sure enough, I've got the pink eye.

And let's stop your thoughts right now -- I did not get poo in my eye.

So, I was given some medicated eyedrops and things are looking up. My eye still gets occasionally juicy now and again, but I should be back to normal real soon.

I really hate missing days of work like that. With a department so small, it can really back up when a speed bump like this comes along. I'm also bummed I missed Marke's last day before his month-long trek through Euope. I also had to cancel my plans to go up to LA that night. No concert for me. Charrmaine was very understanding, but I still feel like a douche. I owe her two dinners now.

My dad and I hung out a little on Saturday. As part of an early birthday present, we took my printer into a shop for repair. A couple years ago I got a really kick-ass printer for school work. Large format, excellent quality, the whole nine. Shortly after getting it, it stopped working. I was too busy in school to get it fixed, and it quickly fell to the back burner on my list of things to do. After school, it was off the stove altogether. But I had the random thought to suggest it as a birthday gift, and I'm glad for it. It's a pretty expensive printer that is otherwise collecting dust.

In the evening, Mallory and I went to go see Burn After Reading. I'm undecided about the movie. I read a review before watching it that said it was as funny as Big Lebowski. Which... it just wasn't even close. So, I think I went in expecting too much. It wasn't at all a bad movie -- very much a Coen Brothers film, and have they ever gone wrong? But it just wasn't the movie I was expecting, so I feel a little let down.

Mallory and I discussed a lot of the stuff that has been plaguing our friendship over the past week. Some of it was typical misunderstandings, or "I've been feeling this way for a long time and it's just now boiling to the top" type stuff. By the end of the night things were far more "normal" between us. She reluctantly agreed to watch a few episodes of Boston Legal... and gave it a 7 out of 10. Not bad for the first few episodes.

It was kinda neat to watch Boston Legal. The first time I've seen it since being back from Boston. I immediately recognized some of the arial and scenic shots that go between commercial breaks. Yay for travel!

Right as I dropped Mallory off at her place, my phone rang. It was Emily! I kinda stared at the screen for a moment or two, not sure what I should do. I haven't spoken to her on the phone in years, and years. I honestly can't think of how long it's been. More than likely only once since we broke up, ten years ago.

As surreal as it was to hear her voice -- and how much older it sounded -- we ended up having an excellent conversation about everything going on in my life. She said she didn't know if she could believe my Tweets about having a good weekend.

Doctor Taylor, making house calls. Taking care of me, as she always, always has.

As far as that depression goes. I can't say that's all gone, but I do feel this weekend had a few choice realizations that I need to hang on to for strength. I am ready, now more than ever, for some serious life changes. Its quickly becoming a matter of life and death.

Goodnight Moon.
Thank You.

God damnit, Emily...

Tonight, she tells me she thinks it's time I start visiting a therapist. Again. This comes at the same time that for the first time in years I've quietly thought to myself "hmm... maybe it's time I get put back on some pills..." You know. For balance.

The hilarious bit about that is that I haven't really spoken to her in a number of weeks, and she's formed this (admittedly, accurate) opinion based solely on my Tweets. She's a smart woman. And knows me.... so... damn... well.

My eye has been super aggitated all week long. Watery, and itchy, and bleh. All week long its been like this, but tonight has been the worst. I just spent about an hour and half driving around to different pharmacies around the area. Grocery stores that are still open, or a CVS. Even a 24 hour WalMart. Nothing was open. Yeah -- the 24 hour WalMart was closed. I'm a mess.

I just want to spend the weekend in my bed... and at the rate things are going, I just may end up doing that.

Goodnight Moon.

Seeing as the world is going to end on Wednesday, I thought it would be best to try and squeeze one more entry in before we all get sucked into a black hole.

I have been ridiculously depressed for the past few days. To the bone, it feels like. It seems to be the usual case of "Chris isn't ever happy with what he has," that never gets taken seriously. But that's alright. I think I can manage. Maybe.

I hate coming home late at night. I've been calling it the walk of shame. From my car to the front door. Walking past a half dozen other apartments. A half dozen other people with friends over, social gatherings, laughs. A half dozen other lives I'd rather have. Coming home to this dark apartment. It's really beating me down.

I've been looking for a shoulder to cry on, but it's frustrating. All my friends are scattered around the country. LA, Texas, Pensylvania... and now London.

I talked to Sarah for a little while today. It was somehow the best part of the day. Except for the parts when she tries to guilt me into visiting her. Crazy thing is, I've been considering it. Emphasis on the word crazy. What's another thousand dollars of debt? Right?

No apologies this time.

The rest of the week may be moving by pretty slowly. I think I'm going to a baseball game tomorrow... it might be next week though now that I think about it. My dad would have reminded me. I'm still going up to see Charrmaine on Friday. I think I already know how that night's going to end.

I've been toying with the idea of going up to Disneyland by myself. Definitely one of those things I've always kinda wanted to do, but never have. Just me and my camera, and all the time in the world.

Provided the world doesn't implode on itself.

Goodnight Moon.
"Go with the flow," she said.

My rent went up 125 bucks yesterday. I'm pretty peeved about it.

When Danny and I decided to move out, we put a price limit of 1,400 for rent. When we found the place we live now, they were asking 1,475. But we really liked the place, it was in a good area, recently remodeled, felt good and clean and etc, so we were fine with the extra 75/month. Now that our ten month lease is up, we have the option of going month-to-month, which is just awesome. Except they're asking for an extra 125. That's 1,600 a month—and dammit, that's just not comfortable for me.

The price increase doesn't really bother Danny much, that kid is rich. But, I'm in a bit of a pickle. I don't know what to do. Chances are I'll just grin and bear it for the next few months, until the moving out with Mallory plan starts to take shape. However, my dad is already starting to advocate that I re-sign a lease. I don't want to be locked down for another year, or even six months.

I admit, I looked at one bedroom apartments over the weekend. Mostly out of curiosity. I still think that as much as I would hate living alone, it would be really good for me. But looking at what most places are asking for a one bedroom (on average, about 200 less than a 2 bedroom—where the logic is in that, I'll never know), it became pretty clear pretty fast that I just cannot afford to go it alone.

Just too many money problems going on right now. Too much out, not enough in. Etc., etc. And this rent issue is just the latest nail in my financial coffin.

Goodnight Moon.
Send Help.

It's been over a week since my last post, surely I've got something worth saying... right?

Well, not really. Things have been moving pretty quickly, however. I have been staying busy, without accomplishing anything worth sharing. So, what does that tell me? Oh well.

Work has been keeping me pretty ridiculously busy, actually. There may be a lot of late hours coming up in the next week trying to meet some of these deadlines. My new policy on these things is to take it all in one day at a time. It's way too overwhelming to look at a mound of work, knowing there are only X number of days to finish it.

Mallory and I finished season three of Lost, and are now without DVDs to watch. The original plan was to wait until December 'til they come out, but I'm currently downloading season four in HD... sooooooo... yeah. Looks like we're gonna work on that sooner than later. Then there really won't be anything I can do to cheat. Season five starts in January (or is it February?) and there's nothing I can do to make that happen faster.

Florisarah is in London. Part of a studying abroad program, so she'll be there until mid December. They haven't yet invented a word to accurately portray just how jealous I am. She keeps trying to talk me into visiting. However, round trip tickets are in the neighborhood of a thousand bucks — not that I've actually looked them up, or anything...

On a whim, I sent a "What the fuck are you doing today?" text message to Tera today. To my surprise, she was in town. We met up for lunch, and later had some frozen yogurt at Berry Swirl. I refuse to call it FroYo, as apparently is the cool thing to do these days.

We talked. A lot. About her and her ex boys. About me and my ex girls. About "the good ol' days" in school, and how depressing it is that five years from now we'll call these days the good ol' days. She mentioned that she's starting to hate LA, and her job. And that she terribly misses SD, and her friends. So, who knows what all of that means just yet. We also talked fairly seriously about getting tattooed for my birthday. I would like that very much.

I went to dinner with Alex. It had been a long while since we sat down and talked. I caught her up on all of my drama, and she caught me up on hers. Chatting with Alex is less a bitching/venting session, and a little more like therapy. We don't talk about the things that happened, but about why they happened, and what it all means. Stuff like that.

I've got another play date set up with Charrmaine in a couple weeks. She invited me up to see Tricky with her. I'm not entirely sure how that show will go, as he's kind of hit or miss with me. He's got a new album out which I need to check out. I'm excited all the same to get out and do something new. Plus, of course, there is the obligatory alcohol that comes with seeing Charrmaine. She tells me she's heard of a place with exceptionally good Long Islands. We'll see about that.

There is a small going away party next week for Joel. He's moving far, far away. One of those red states. Like Iowa... or Missouri, or something. I can never remember. I invited both Charrmaine and Alex to come, but the date of the even keeps changing and they're busy girls, so I'm not too sure they'll make it.

I've also decided that it will be the last time I'll see any of the old Borders crew. I've just had enough of their bullshit and drama, and their constant shit-talking about me behind my back. I've had enough.

I'll miss Sarah... a lot, actually. But she seems to be a packaged deal with the rest of the crowd.

I've seen very little of Mallory in the past week. My schedule was crazy during the week, and she's out of town all weekend. I've got a three day weekend with no Mallory to keep me occupied! So, I'm just a little bored. But, it also gives me some time to get some things done. Be domestic. Plus, I think I'm in the need for a little quiet, down time.

To put everything in its place.

Two years ago today.

Goodnight Moon.
Maybe, someday...

I know some of you get it.

I keep feeling the need to sit down and write before going to bed, but nothing worth while ever seems to follow. There's still a big black spot in my life right now. I'm not entirely sure where the void is anymore. Things are missing.

I got hit with a sizable wave of depression tonight over dinner. I really don't know where it came from. It hit me pretty deep though.

Maybe this just falls under "You'll never be happy with what you have." If I had a nickel for every time I heard that.

I dunno.

It's coming.

Goodnight Moon.
Don't mind me, please.

I think I may have taken that picture a dozen times in my life.

Disneyland yesterday was lots of good fun! A little hotter than I expected, and it sure did drain all the energy out of me. We managed to keep our cool, however. Rides with shorter lines, and catching a few shows here and there. We rode the Railroad around Disneyland almost two complete times, which was fun. Once the sun went down, I got a second wind and we made up for lost time. The bigger rides, and even Fantasmic!, which I haven't seen in a long, long time.

We ate lots of good food, but didn't go overboard. Had lots of long conversations about a variety of topics. And did every ride we wanted to, some more than once. So, hey - it was a pretty great day.

Mallory was dealt a bit of a blow today. Her parents had been away for a few weeks visiting their parents in Oklahoma. When they got back, they told her they want to move to Texas. Yikes. So now she's got a bit of a much more strict time limit on the whole moving-out-thing. I think the added pressure (which is kind of on both of us now) is a good thing.

Yeah, that's about all I've got right now. It's late.

Goodnight Moon.

Everything inside of me hurts. Good gracious.

So, picture a typical cartoon bone. You know those boob-like nubs on the end? That's what my mom broke. The doctor used the word "shatter." So, it's not a pretty picture. Left upper arm, above the elbow. It major sucks.

I have no where near enough to say to warrant a new post, but here I am. Rambling.

Tonight was a pretty calm night. I worked an hour extra hour, which is kinda nice. There are lots of big things on the horizon, and I'm gonna be putting in lots and lots of extra hours I fear. I'm trying to keep my cool, and take it a day at a time. When I look at the whole picture, it will freak me out a little.

Got home late, drove home without any traffic. Watched a little TV, had myself a nice dinner and some wine (which I've totally been neglecting, by the way). I might play a little Final Fantasy 3 before bed... we'll see.

It's actually been kinda nice having a new game to play. I haven't actually sat and played video games for my own enjoyment in months, and months.

In addition to the girls up north pulling me their way, I've now got Florisarah trying to talk me into visiting her when she's in London. I'm flattered and all, but that just ain't gonna happen. You crazy girls.

Crazy, crazy girls.



Goodnight Moon.
Dream On.

This week is gonna be different, right? Seriously, this time. We can do this together. Just me and myself.

A whole lot of nothing has been going on lately. Everything's been quiet. I had a good weekend, spending a little bit of time with Mallory. Drinking, watching anime, and lots, and lots of talking. I do love me some good talks.

The latest big moving out plan has the word Irvine written all over it. Mal and I are both big fans of the area, but are also quite aware that it's a pretty expensive place. I've yet to really look around to price things out, but I know I'll be paying more than what I'm paying now. That's all fine and good if the whole thing happens. It's worth it to me, for sure.

Tera and Charrmaine, as always, are still pulling for me to come to LA. Both of them make the same claim: You know you're headed up here eventually, and its better to just move once, than twice. However, now that this Irvine plan has legs (albeit small ones) I'm feeling much more inclined to stay a bit more southern. Plus, I'd be a stone's throw from Disneyland, and I just can't argue with that.

There is this house just down the street from my parents' place with a brand new paint job. It's a color somewhere between mint green and sea-foam blue. It's a very bold color to paint an entire house, but I kinda dig it. I think it was done in that lovely 50's era atomic pop kind of motif. My suspicions of that were all but confirmed when last sunday there was a huge rockabilly party going on, with a half dozen beautiful hot rods parked out front.

It all makes me think about that someday when I get a place of my own. And you better believe I'm gonna do something equally as rad with my house.

My mom broke her arm today. Major bummer. It was just a misstep going up a curb, and down she went. Left arm, right above the elbow. You know, those big upper arm bones. Yikes. She seems to be doing just fine, all things considered. She will be going to the hospital again tomorrow to find out of she'll need surgery to set the bone, or just cast it up. She's gonna go crazy without the use of her arm to play her Dr Mario!

Work has been pretty decent lately. Nothing too major and new going on. Things have been pretty busy, and I've been finding my peaceful spot by just putting my headphones on, and keeping my head down (both in an effort to focus on work, to dodge flying ping-pong balls).

I'm excited about Disneyland already... which means the rest of this week is going to go super slow.

One year ago today...

Goodnight Moon.
Maybe, Someday.

Where does the time go? Here today...

Last night I went to the ballet. It was pretty damn awesome. Earlier in the week Kirsten sent me a text asking if I'd be interested, and my immediate reply was "only hell yes!" I only knew it as "The Danny Elfman Ballet," the first ballet he's ever written. I figured, absolute worst case scenario, I'd get to hear some awesome music performed by an orchestra. So, last night Kirsten, Marke, and his new friend Lauren (Laura? Shoot...) and myself all went up to Costa Mesa. And good times were had by all!

I've been hanging out with Mallory a little less than usual these past few days. However, it seems that when we do hang, we click a little better than we usually do. Perhaps we've found a good balance of time apart and time together. Or maybe, it's something else. Either way, it's been very pleasant when we hang out. Lots of conversation, and laughs. Tomorrow we are hanging out at her place. We have plans for drinks and anime. So, y'know, that's pretty damn awesome.

Next weekend is going to be pretty great, too. Mal and I will be going to Disneyland on the 16th, and the day before will be a nice house party at her place while her parents are out of town. How Jr. High! Maybe that should be the theme? We could play truth or dare, and seven minutes in heaven, and shit like that.

This moving situation that I keep bitching, complaining, crying about might be sorting itself out. It's a long term plan... nothing's gonna happen until the end of the year, at the earliest. But having a plan feels better than just floating along.

I've also been putting lots of work into redesigning my portfolio website. I'm hoping to land a few freelance jobs here and there. Even one every other month would give me just a little extra dough to make things more comfortable. Little step, by little step.

Trying to stay positive, because I'm tired of the alternative.

Goodnight Moon.
Maybe, Someday.

Yeah... It's kinda been a while, I know. I think I've been waiting for something more positive to talk about. Lately, there's been nothing but mope inside my head. Things still suck, I'm still blue, and I'm still pretending things are not those things.

Where's my thunderstorm? Where's the big hurricane that's gonna turn my life on its head? I'm waiting. I'm waiting so patiently.

For a while I was starting to wonder if Charrmaine and Tera got together behind my back and agreed to really put the heat on me to move north. If I had my druthers, I'd do it right away. But I tend to muck everything up. Make things far more complicated than it needs to be. I'm either taking the necessary steps, or I'm finding more excuses. I'm far better at doing one of those, than the other.

Things between Mallory and I have kind of taken a turn for the weird. In some ways, things are better than they have been in a long time. However, we tend to be getting into... disagreements, a little more frequently. It's quite likely due to my... moods, which I definitely keep in mind. It's very interesting to take a step back and watch these things unfold. It's a little eerie.

Things've gotta start looking up eventually, right?

Goodnight Moon.

Once again, SDCC is over. I came, I saw, and I had my ass handed to me. I am super pooped right now and can't wait to slide between those sheets behind me.

I managed to see everyone I wanted to see, and avoid everyone I didn't want to see. Can't argue with that! Sat in on 3 panels, didn't buy a lot (which is bittersweet), had some fairly decent food, and of course had lots of good times.

The Lost panel Saturday morning was pretty great. I felt bad for not letting strongly suggesting against Mallory going. I've been super strict and paranoid about spoilers, and it was a given that being in the panel would ruin the rest of the next season and a half for her. The questions asked by everyone during the Q&A session were pretty pathetic, actually. But seeing Damon and Carlton (and Matthew Fox) in the flesh was great. Plus the little Dharma Initiative interruptions were pretty great.

Today, to make up for the Lost panel, I sat through a panel for Supernatural with Mallory. She's hooked on the show, and I think it's quite silly. But I wanted to make it up for ditching her for Lost, so I sat through it. Politely. And even though I still hate the show, I'm kind of glad I went because I feel I now have far more a solid reason to dislike it. The director man is a jerk to the cast, and an even bigger jerk to the fans.

I bought an art book from an artist I've really been liking lately, Ragnar. He autographed it and drew a little girlie face in it. I lucked out at the Sideshow collectables booth and got a $15 gift card. Mallory got one for $75. Having no use for it, she gave it to me. And I fully intend to buy a Ragnar vinyl figure, that I wanted since last ComicCon. So, that worked out way nicely. Those are the only two things I bought this Con.

I think, going forward, I'd like to maybe dedicate the last day of con (or the first? I don't know) to going by myself. I feel bad dragging who ever I'm with around, having to pause to look at random things, or stopping to take photos. I'd kinda like the freedom to roam, without feeling guilty about it all. Reminds me a lot of being at Disneyland with a group of people when I get hit with the urge to take some photos. I feel like a puttz putting everyone else on hold while Chris gets his artsyfarts on.

I managed to run into Adam, which was a pleasant surprise! Adam and Joel were together, and Mal and I ran into them towards the end of Friday. We chatted for a good long while, and made plans to hang at Joel's later. By the time that rolled around, both of us were mighty haggard. Mallory had been fighting nausea all day long, and it all came back once we got to Joel's so we didn't end up staying very long at all. Which I feel pretty bad about. I would have gone back, after taking her home, if I wasn't so damn tired.

Seriously. So. Exhausted.

I've got a lot of photos from all 3 days up on my Flickr, including those god damned creepy girls. My favorite photo from ComicCon... this guy, reading porno in line for the Supernatural panel next to us.

Tomorrow is a new week, and with it.... new challenges.

One year ago tomorrow.

Goodnight Moon.