Christopher ([info]makkura) wrote,
@ 2008-08-04 06:49:00
Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend  Next Entry
Current music:The Human Element - Crossing My Fingers

Still Applicable Today

Yeah... It's kinda been a while, I know. I think I've been waiting for something more positive to talk about. Lately, there's been nothing but mope inside my head. Things still suck, I'm still blue, and I'm still pretending things are not those things.

Where's my thunderstorm? Where's the big hurricane that's gonna turn my life on its head? I'm waiting. I'm waiting so patiently.

For a while I was starting to wonder if Charrmaine and Tera got together behind my back and agreed to really put the heat on me to move north. If I had my druthers, I'd do it right away. But I tend to muck everything up. Make things far more complicated than it needs to be. I'm either taking the necessary steps, or I'm finding more excuses. I'm far better at doing one of those, than the other.

Things between Mallory and I have kind of taken a turn for the weird. In some ways, things are better than they have been in a long time. However, we tend to be getting into... disagreements, a little more frequently. It's quite likely due to my... moods, which I definitely keep in mind. It's very interesting to take a step back and watch these things unfold. It's a little eerie.

Things've gotta start looking up eventually, right?

Goodnight Moon.

(4 comments) - (Post a new comment)


[info]dontbe10
2008-08-05 02:43 pm UTC (link)
just do it! la is so rad.

(Reply to this)


[info]lceruleanl
2008-08-05 05:40 pm UTC (link)
Why does there need to be a big thunderstorm to make changes in your life? Maybe that's the problem, that you're constantly waiting for the big moment to come, and in the waiting, you've let life pass you by.

Maybe it's the fear of the change that's holding you back, not the fact that nothing big has come along. Hey, change is scary and we never know the result of it. It might be crap, or it might be glorious. But either way, it'll beat wondering about it day after day for the rest of your life.

Have you ever considered seeing a therapist about all of this? I'm not advocating it only because I'm in the profession, but because I've wished I did so when I was going through my years of lows. I actually I wished I had the time to do it since I've gone into grad school, because it's someone who is unbiased listening to you and giving you some tips on how to help yourself out of the funk. The key words there are "help yourself", so that you're empowered in your life to do what you need to do, rather than waiting and hoping that someone else will come along or serendipity, or god or Allah or buddha or whoever else will make a change for you. Life doesn't work that way. And thank goodness it doesn't, because that would make one boring ass life.

Just something to think about.

You know where to find me if you need a talk. Or a kick in the ass.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]makkura
2008-08-08 01:15 am UTC (link)
I'm more worried why you said "god, Allah or buddha!" Capitalize the Allah, but not the Buddha? What's THAT about?

I did the shrink thing back in the day. I don't think it's for me. It was impersonal. And yes, unbiased. For me, those were bad things. I'd much rather vent to my good friends. People who have a background about my life, and a genuine concern for me. It just wasn't for me.

I mean... YOU and your ass kicking has done more good than any shrink ever has! :)

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

[info]lceruleanl
2008-08-08 03:55 pm UTC (link)
Well, if you really need me to educate me on buddhism, you'll have to wait. I don't have the mental energy to go into it. But no, buddhism is not a monotheist religion, per se. So buddha does not technically need to be capitalized. Particularly in how I view buddhism, is a form of philosophy, not a religion. But other people might argue otherwise.

Although that was a lot of intellectualism that I actually do believe in, it was just a typo in this case XD Although I have a very different view of buddhism than most people. And let's face it, religion is really a form of philosophy (the same form! in all religions!) when you boil it down. As much as religious leaders like us to think otherwise =P

OK! Now that's out of the way. The thing about therapy is like anything else in life. Just like you wouldn't chose ANY of your friends to start talking about these issues with, you have to be careful about therapists. I mean, there are a lot of bad therapists out there. And even if you have a good one, there must be chemistry, like making a friend or acquaintance of any kind, you know? So if there is no good chemistry and you feel like shit all the time (which granted, therapy will do that to you at first, it gets worse before it gets better), then maybe it's not you but it's your work with the therapist. I just suggest it because sometimes it gets to a point where you feel like a burden on your friends, or you just really feel like you need more of a helping hand. But I know how hard it is to find a therapist that you like and is competent. If you do ever think about it again, I'd suggest asking around for referrals or something. Sometimes that is the best way. There's a reason why certain people recommend a specific therapist... they know how to work with people and treat them as people. I'm sure in the future, I wouldn't be a perfect fit for everyone that comes through the door. So I dunno, something to think about.

Ultimately, the changes lies within you. You can talk to as many therapists and as many friends as you'd like. If you feel unhappy, it's still on you. It's still your responsibility and your burden. That's why I say empower yourself and do things that you know will make a difference in your life. Because then you can look back and say, "shit, I did that and I was able to pull myself out of that crap." And that is a feeling no one else in the world can give you.

I shall keep that in mind and be promptly ready for any future ass kickings you shall need =D

(Reply to this) (Parent)

(4 comments) - (Post a new comment)

Create an Account
Forgot your login or password?
Login w/ OpenID
English • Español • Deutsch • Русский…