Memento Mori

Happy Holidaze

Wed, 24 Dec 2008 05:51:42 GMT

I hope everybody out there has a very happy Christmas!!

Fuck the economy -- presents all around!

The Time Has Come

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 08:54:40 GMT

Well my fellow Live-Journal-ers... This is it. The very last LJ post I'll ever write.
I've finally put together my own WordPress on my website, which is where I'll be writing from now on.

It's been a solid eight years on this ol' journal. But, as they say, all good things must come to an end.

I've always wanted LJ to be an extension of my personal website. A lot of the things I wanted from a blog engine, LJ couldn't offer me. So, I've exported all my 2,488 journal entries, and my 5,076 comments to my new home. It's now much better integrated into my own site, much easier to handle comments and browse through older posts -- and it's totally free. This was a no brainer for me.

I will continue to read your journals via my friends list, so this isn't an out-right goodbye. I very much hope that you continue to read my journal, and comment.

If you have an RSS reader, you can add my blog to that. You might even be able to add the RSS Feed to your LJ Friends list -- I'm not entirely sure how that works.

I look forward to seeing you all in my new digs!!

maybe-someday.com

Goodbye, LiveJournal.
Rock On!

Pejoritive

Tue, 07 Oct 2008 09:07:23 GMT

I am making myself do this. Three nights in a row, I've started a post and deleted everything halfway through. I can't seem to collect myself properly.

This weekend was pretty great. I picked Charrmaine up late Friday evening from the train station. We had a late dinner, and spent the night chit chatting about all the goings-on in our lives. We stayed up late watching late night television, which I haven't done in such a long time.

The next day, we were very, very lazy. We somehow managed to watch a good 2 hours of Discovery channel before standing up and getting on with the day. We had coffee and doughnuts. We watched the new John Cusack movie, Igor. It was... kinda meh, sadly. I took her to Boston's for late lunch/early dinner. It was delicious, as always (I was just now reminded that Jasmine said she owes me a birthday dinner... we will go here!)

We also found time to go the beach for a little while. I honestly can't remember the last time I went to the beach, and actually stood in the sand. I'm fairly certain that whenever the last time I went to the beach was, I stayed in my car, or on a bench somewhere away from the sand. It was very likely in 2007. Serious.

It was such a gorgeous day for a beach visit, too. Just as the sun was setting. Very cold, very cloudy, very grey. It's what I consider to be the absolute best beach weather. I even got rained on! Superb.

There was a little get together at my place on Saturday. Sarah, Carrie, Mallory, Alex all came to hang out with Charrmaine and I. Later, a small visit from Austin, who I hadn't seen in a very long time. I finally got to try Absolut Los Angeles, which I've been searching for. Had it over Sprite and a little bit of grenadine. Very good stuff. Very strong!! I got just the tiniest bit drunk. Just a smidge, I swear.

The next morning we woke up early to get breakfast at Denny's before she caught the train back up. We chatted only briefly before we had the realization that we both must be doing pretty darn good in our lives now, because we just didn't have all that much drama to sort through.

Perhaps we're growing up yet.

It was a very long weekend, that somehow wasn't long enough. Very lazy. Just what the doctored ordered.

I spent tonight watching episodes of Fringe. The show is right up her alley, but I'm still not 100% on it yet. I think it's finally starting to shape up though. So, I'm hanging on for now.

Talked to Emily briefly about a visit. She is thinking about hopping on a jetplane and heading westward to come visit. Excited doesn't even begin to cover it. The month of February was mentioned. She asked when a good time, weather wise, would be to come visit. My first thought was about the best time to visit, Disneyland crowd wise... Far more important than weather.

I have too many balls in the air right now, it seems. Trying to sort through this mess of paperwork between having to go do drivers school for a speeding ticket I got in January, and dealing with car insurance payments, and figuring out why my apartment complex is calling me 3 months after my lease expired to "let me know" that my lease has expired.... c'mon. It feels like I've got these things being juggled right now, and somehow, amazingly, I'm doing a pretty decent job.

So, what's next, I wonder.

Goodnight Moon.
Dream On.

The Daylight Challenge

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 08:36:21 GMT

I'm starting to think that I may have insomnia. Or, at the very least, I'm just not tired anymore. The past few nights I've been going to bed at around 3am. I crawl into bed around midnight, maybe 12:30am, but I just lay there. Tossing, turning. I can't sleep. It's starting to get a little annoying.

Firstly, Happy Birthday, Emily!! I've long said that her birthday (which is just a few days after mine) makes me feel older than my own do. Somehow, this year is an exception to that. 23 just doesn't sound as old as 27. Twenty three years old, though. Wow -- I mean, that's 11 years. Far and away the longest friendship I've ever had. Next year, will be pretty huge, as it will be the 50% mark. We'll have been friends for 12 years, and we met when she was 12. Yikes.

This week has been awful quiet, and I've been just fine with that. I've been enjoying the time at home alone (gasp!), getting small things around the apartment done. I hung with Mallory on Monday, and a little last night. But today and Tuesday I had to myself. I cleaned up my room a little bit, got my finances in order, got caught up on the last two episodes of How I Met Your Mother and Fringe, a little bit of this, a little bit of that. It's been pretty okay.

Tomorrow, though, is where the fun really begins. Charrmaine is coming down for the weekend. I'll be picking her up tomorrow from the train station. She'll be crashing here for two nights, and heading back up sunday morning. We have no real plans except to simply talk and get each other caught up.

And, oh yes -- there will be drinks.

Saturday evening I've invited a handful of old Borders mates to hang and celebrate in the Charrmaine-in-town-ness. This will be the 2nd time I've seen them since I said I no longer plan to hang with them. So, you can clearly see I'm a mad of my words.

I've been giving thought about a Halloween party. I need to commit one way or another before it becomes too last-minute. I just know that if I decide to do it, I'm gonna have to decorate my place somehow. Which... means money.

I've been fighting out those horrible thoughts about death. I'm well aware that existential crisis of mine won't ever be cured, but I'm trying my best to keep it to a minimum. To be perfectly honest - it's really quite debilitating. It comes on like a wave... and the rest of the day is shot. I'm not able to get back on track.

I find it pretty funny that my head is always flooded with ideas to write about, but as soon as I start writing--

Goodnight Moon.
Not out of the woods yet.

The Return of Saturn

Sun, 28 Sep 2008 09:11:03 GMT

So, yeah. Twenty seven years old. When did that happen? Christ.

Kind of a lot going on, and I don't have much energy to sum it all up. My birthday was, all-in-all, pretty good. The part I was looking forward to most, going out to dinner for pizza at Boston's with the family (and Mallory!), almost didn't happen. My mom was told at the beginning of the week that she will have to go back into surgery to remedy an infection in the wound from the first surgery. Not good. The date ended up being set to Friday, so we were able to go out on Thursday.

I spent Friday night watching episodes of Boston Legal with Mallory. We hung out until 2 in the morning. Things have been kind of rocky between us in a very strange, unexplainable way for a few weeks now. But, I think over the last week we've really been mellowing out and finding our rhythm of things. Everything is feeling much more normal and natural right now. So, obviously this a good thing.

The majority of today was spent cleaning up my apartment. I finally feel "moved in." A full year after technically moving in. A lot of the art I had packed away in boxes are now up on walls. I no longer have an empty wall to hang stuff! This is a problem I welcome. I also managed to fashion a great end table out of some boxes and wood. My apartment definitely feels new, and I love it. Now I just gotta tackle my bedroom with the rest of my non-Disney artwork.

Later, Mallory, Sarah and Carrie all came over to hang out, have drinks, and play Wii. Mallory made a delicious (and amazingly pretty) birthday cake. Mint chocolate, mmmm... This little shindig had been on-again off-again Friday, and most of Saturday. I had originally wanted it to be more of party with more people, but I am very happy with the way it turned out. Just a good quiet night in. With lots of alcohol.

So, the birthday list as it stands. Todd and Beth got me the pictured-above Mickey vinyl figure. It's super cute, and I need to find a better place to display it. Danny got me nothing. My parents took my printer to get repaired, which I'm very excited about. They promise more gifts to come when they can go out and do it, which is just fine with me. Mallory got me the hardcover edition of the Haunted Mansion comics, which I had been eye-balling since it came out months ago. Emily painted me a gorgeous painting, which is now proudly hanging on my wall. Sarah (Curtis) got me a big bottle of Sailor Jerry's rum, with the generous offer to help me drink it. And, I think that about does it.

Let's hope next year is at least as good as this.

Edit: Here be pictures of some of the stuff I did, and was too lazy to post last night.

Goodnight Moon.
Dream On.

Decipher

Wed, 24 Sep 2008 06:51:19 GMT

There is so much you don't know about me.

Goodnight Moon.
Dream On.

Dawning

Mon, 22 Sep 2008 08:07:06 GMT

So, after a long, long while of not doing anything with those t-shirts I got printed up, I'm going to give this one more try. Things will have to start off slow. Slow and comfortable. But I will get some traction this time. I plan to sell off the rest of these #1000 shirts for cheap. Ten bucks or something. Then re-design it, get some new ones printed up. Some new designs floating in my head. I might be seeking some partnership with.... a guy. Yes.

Mallory took some (100+) photographs of herself modeling my t-shirt. She's gonna bring them over for me to sort through tomorrow. This issue of t-shirt models have been the only excuse I've had left for not getting this up and running again. So I am now fresh out of excuses.

I did a little bit of cleaning around my room and found an old notebook of mine. I used it for the last couple semesters of school as a note taking device thing. I dusted it off (literally) and am gonna try to find a place for it in my day-to-day life now. A to-do list, a place for random thoughts. I've tried to get organized so many times before using fancy desktop calendars on the computer, or agendas in my phone... nothing seems to beat old fashioned paper and pen.

The Malster and I took a trip to Disneyland yesterday. I am quite certain it was the weirdest Disneyland visit she's ever had. We went on a total of 4 rides all day long. Spent countless hours just sitting and people watching. Every time we've been before, it's been a pretty typical day. Trying to get many rides in, staying busy. But I was feeling very lazy yesterday, and really just wanted to sit.

I could (and have before) go to Disneyland and not go on a single ride. I'd be happy with just a churro and a mint julep, and sit. Just sit.

We finished the night with a trip to the new Cheesecake Factory, and ate way too much food. I'm still working on my dessert, actually.

So, my birthday is later this week. We'll see how that goes. I admit -- I'm less than skeptic this time around.

The question mark is growing limp. The last of the embers that smoldered, have been doused cold by booze. The distance feels greater now than ever before. Your place has been defined.

Goodnight Moon.
Looking Up.

GDMF

Tue, 16 Sep 2008 07:38:18 GMT

I kinda don't even want to talk about today. It felt like a 12 hour clusterfuck of stupidity. So, let's move on.

Tera came back from her trip to the Bahamas over the weekend (why the hell does it seem like everyone is traveling right now! Dammit!), and we had a chance to catch up. She admits to being pretty depressed (too) over the past couple of weeks, even though as far as I can tell she's in a pretty great place in her life. It finally seems as though the latest boy chapter of her life is closed.

We also managed to make semi-plans for this tattoo outing. She "knows a guy" that's gonna do her for free. Not exactly the best recommendation for something permanent, but hey. I am excited about it. I'm well aware I'm very likely gonna try to chicken out when it comes down to it... but i'm going to try very hard not to. It'll be really awesome to have matching tattoos with her.

Trying to keep busy. It helps keep my mind off everything. I've got a couple projects now that I think will help with that. The only downside is that the project I'd like to work on most costs a fair bit of money.

New-Chris made an appearance today. Must be a cold day in hell.

Goodnight Moon.

Reconstituted

Mon, 15 Sep 2008 08:01:05 GMT

This has been a bit of an eventful weekend.

Sadly, it started with me calling out from work on Friday when I woke up to my eye being crusted shut. Gross, I know. My eye had been itching and watering (just the one) and being all kinds of annoying all week long. I went to the doctor, and sure enough, I've got the pink eye.

And let's stop your thoughts right now -- I did not get poo in my eye.

So, I was given some medicated eyedrops and things are looking up. My eye still gets occasionally juicy now and again, but I should be back to normal real soon.

I really hate missing days of work like that. With a department so small, it can really back up when a speed bump like this comes along. I'm also bummed I missed Marke's last day before his month-long trek through Euope. I also had to cancel my plans to go up to LA that night. No concert for me. Charrmaine was very understanding, but I still feel like a douche. I owe her two dinners now.

My dad and I hung out a little on Saturday. As part of an early birthday present, we took my printer into a shop for repair. A couple years ago I got a really kick-ass printer for school work. Large format, excellent quality, the whole nine. Shortly after getting it, it stopped working. I was too busy in school to get it fixed, and it quickly fell to the back burner on my list of things to do. After school, it was off the stove altogether. But I had the random thought to suggest it as a birthday gift, and I'm glad for it. It's a pretty expensive printer that is otherwise collecting dust.

In the evening, Mallory and I went to go see Burn After Reading. I'm undecided about the movie. I read a review before watching it that said it was as funny as Big Lebowski. Which... it just wasn't even close. So, I think I went in expecting too much. It wasn't at all a bad movie -- very much a Coen Brothers film, and have they ever gone wrong? But it just wasn't the movie I was expecting, so I feel a little let down.

Mallory and I discussed a lot of the stuff that has been plaguing our friendship over the past week. Some of it was typical misunderstandings, or "I've been feeling this way for a long time and it's just now boiling to the top" type stuff. By the end of the night things were far more "normal" between us. She reluctantly agreed to watch a few episodes of Boston Legal... and gave it a 7 out of 10. Not bad for the first few episodes.

It was kinda neat to watch Boston Legal. The first time I've seen it since being back from Boston. I immediately recognized some of the arial and scenic shots that go between commercial breaks. Yay for travel!

Right as I dropped Mallory off at her place, my phone rang. It was Emily! I kinda stared at the screen for a moment or two, not sure what I should do. I haven't spoken to her on the phone in years, and years. I honestly can't think of how long it's been. More than likely only once since we broke up, ten years ago.

As surreal as it was to hear her voice -- and how much older it sounded -- we ended up having an excellent conversation about everything going on in my life. She said she didn't know if she could believe my Tweets about having a good weekend.

Doctor Taylor, making house calls. Taking care of me, as she always, always has.

As far as that depression goes. I can't say that's all gone, but I do feel this weekend had a few choice realizations that I need to hang on to for strength. I am ready, now more than ever, for some serious life changes. Its quickly becoming a matter of life and death.

Goodnight Moon.
Thank You.

17

Fri, 12 Sep 2008 09:08:33 GMT

God damnit, Emily...

Tonight, she tells me she thinks it's time I start visiting a therapist. Again. This comes at the same time that for the first time in years I've quietly thought to myself "hmm... maybe it's time I get put back on some pills..." You know. For balance.

The hilarious bit about that is that I haven't really spoken to her in a number of weeks, and she's formed this (admittedly, accurate) opinion based solely on my Tweets. She's a smart woman. And knows me.... so... damn... well.

My eye has been super aggitated all week long. Watery, and itchy, and bleh. All week long its been like this, but tonight has been the worst. I just spent about an hour and half driving around to different pharmacies around the area. Grocery stores that are still open, or a CVS. Even a 24 hour WalMart. Nothing was open. Yeah -- the 24 hour WalMart was closed. I'm a mess.

I just want to spend the weekend in my bed... and at the rate things are going, I just may end up doing that.

Goodnight Moon.

Pay Close Attention

Tue, 09 Sep 2008 07:36:17 GMT

Seeing as the world is going to end on Wednesday, I thought it would be best to try and squeeze one more entry in before we all get sucked into a black hole.

I have been ridiculously depressed for the past few days. To the bone, it feels like. It seems to be the usual case of "Chris isn't ever happy with what he has," that never gets taken seriously. But that's alright. I think I can manage. Maybe.

I hate coming home late at night. I've been calling it the walk of shame. From my car to the front door. Walking past a half dozen other apartments. A half dozen other people with friends over, social gatherings, laughs. A half dozen other lives I'd rather have. Coming home to this dark apartment. It's really beating me down.

I've been looking for a shoulder to cry on, but it's frustrating. All my friends are scattered around the country. LA, Texas, Pensylvania... and now London.

I talked to Sarah for a little while today. It was somehow the best part of the day. Except for the parts when she tries to guilt me into visiting her. Crazy thing is, I've been considering it. Emphasis on the word crazy. What's another thousand dollars of debt? Right?

No apologies this time.

The rest of the week may be moving by pretty slowly. I think I'm going to a baseball game tomorrow... it might be next week though now that I think about it. My dad would have reminded me. I'm still going up to see Charrmaine on Friday. I think I already know how that night's going to end.

I've been toying with the idea of going up to Disneyland by myself. Definitely one of those things I've always kinda wanted to do, but never have. Just me and my camera, and all the time in the world.

Provided the world doesn't implode on itself.

Goodnight Moon.
"Go with the flow," she said.

Sixteen Hundred

Tue, 02 Sep 2008 07:14:18 GMT

My rent went up 125 bucks yesterday. I'm pretty peeved about it.

When Danny and I decided to move out, we put a price limit of 1,400 for rent. When we found the place we live now, they were asking 1,475. But we really liked the place, it was in a good area, recently remodeled, felt good and clean and etc, so we were fine with the extra 75/month. Now that our ten month lease is up, we have the option of going month-to-month, which is just awesome. Except they're asking for an extra 125. That's 1,600 a month—and dammit, that's just not comfortable for me.

The price increase doesn't really bother Danny much, that kid is rich. But, I'm in a bit of a pickle. I don't know what to do. Chances are I'll just grin and bear it for the next few months, until the moving out with Mallory plan starts to take shape. However, my dad is already starting to advocate that I re-sign a lease. I don't want to be locked down for another year, or even six months.

I admit, I looked at one bedroom apartments over the weekend. Mostly out of curiosity. I still think that as much as I would hate living alone, it would be really good for me. But looking at what most places are asking for a one bedroom (on average, about 200 less than a 2 bedroom—where the logic is in that, I'll never know), it became pretty clear pretty fast that I just cannot afford to go it alone.

Just too many money problems going on right now. Too much out, not enough in. Etc., etc. And this rent issue is just the latest nail in my financial coffin.

Goodnight Moon.
Send Help.

C'est La Vie

Sun, 31 Aug 2008 07:51:32 GMT

It's been over a week since my last post, surely I've got something worth saying... right?

Well, not really. Things have been moving pretty quickly, however. I have been staying busy, without accomplishing anything worth sharing. So, what does that tell me? Oh well.

Work has been keeping me pretty ridiculously busy, actually. There may be a lot of late hours coming up in the next week trying to meet some of these deadlines. My new policy on these things is to take it all in one day at a time. It's way too overwhelming to look at a mound of work, knowing there are only X number of days to finish it.

Mallory and I finished season three of Lost, and are now without DVDs to watch. The original plan was to wait until December 'til they come out, but I'm currently downloading season four in HD... sooooooo... yeah. Looks like we're gonna work on that sooner than later. Then there really won't be anything I can do to cheat. Season five starts in January (or is it February?) and there's nothing I can do to make that happen faster.

Florisarah is in London. Part of a studying abroad program, so she'll be there until mid December. They haven't yet invented a word to accurately portray just how jealous I am. She keeps trying to talk me into visiting. However, round trip tickets are in the neighborhood of a thousand bucks — not that I've actually looked them up, or anything...

On a whim, I sent a "What the fuck are you doing today?" text message to Tera today. To my surprise, she was in town. We met up for lunch, and later had some frozen yogurt at Berry Swirl. I refuse to call it FroYo, as apparently is the cool thing to do these days.

We talked. A lot. About her and her ex boys. About me and my ex girls. About "the good ol' days" in school, and how depressing it is that five years from now we'll call these days the good ol' days. She mentioned that she's starting to hate LA, and her job. And that she terribly misses SD, and her friends. So, who knows what all of that means just yet. We also talked fairly seriously about getting tattooed for my birthday. I would like that very much.

I went to dinner with Alex. It had been a long while since we sat down and talked. I caught her up on all of my drama, and she caught me up on hers. Chatting with Alex is less a bitching/venting session, and a little more like therapy. We don't talk about the things that happened, but about why they happened, and what it all means. Stuff like that.

I've got another play date set up with Charrmaine in a couple weeks. She invited me up to see Tricky with her. I'm not entirely sure how that show will go, as he's kind of hit or miss with me. He's got a new album out which I need to check out. I'm excited all the same to get out and do something new. Plus, of course, there is the obligatory alcohol that comes with seeing Charrmaine. She tells me she's heard of a place with exceptionally good Long Islands. We'll see about that.

There is a small going away party next week for Joel. He's moving far, far away. One of those red states. Like Iowa... or Missouri, or something. I can never remember. I invited both Charrmaine and Alex to come, but the date of the even keeps changing and they're busy girls, so I'm not too sure they'll make it.

I've also decided that it will be the last time I'll see any of the old Borders crew. I've just had enough of their bullshit and drama, and their constant shit-talking about me behind my back. I've had enough.

I'll miss Sarah... a lot, actually. But she seems to be a packaged deal with the rest of the crowd.

I've seen very little of Mallory in the past week. My schedule was crazy during the week, and she's out of town all weekend. I've got a three day weekend with no Mallory to keep me occupied! So, I'm just a little bored. But, it also gives me some time to get some things done. Be domestic. Plus, I think I'm in the need for a little quiet, down time.

To put everything in its place.

Two years ago today.

Goodnight Moon.
Maybe, someday...

Jack & Christian Shephard

Thu, 21 Aug 2008 06:13:28 GMT

I know some of you get it.

I keep feeling the need to sit down and write before going to bed, but nothing worth while ever seems to follow. There's still a big black spot in my life right now. I'm not entirely sure where the void is anymore. Things are missing.

I got hit with a sizable wave of depression tonight over dinner. I really don't know where it came from. It hit me pretty deep though.

Maybe this just falls under "You'll never be happy with what you have." If I had a nickel for every time I heard that.

I dunno.

It's coming.

Goodnight Moon.
Don't mind me, please.

Science and Death

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 08:33:06 GMT

I think I may have taken that picture a dozen times in my life.

Disneyland yesterday was lots of good fun! A little hotter than I expected, and it sure did drain all the energy out of me. We managed to keep our cool, however. Rides with shorter lines, and catching a few shows here and there. We rode the Railroad around Disneyland almost two complete times, which was fun. Once the sun went down, I got a second wind and we made up for lost time. The bigger rides, and even Fantasmic!, which I haven't seen in a long, long time.

We ate lots of good food, but didn't go overboard. Had lots of long conversations about a variety of topics. And did every ride we wanted to, some more than once. So, hey - it was a pretty great day.

Mallory was dealt a bit of a blow today. Her parents had been away for a few weeks visiting their parents in Oklahoma. When they got back, they told her they want to move to Texas. Yikes. So now she's got a bit of a much more strict time limit on the whole moving-out-thing. I think the added pressure (which is kind of on both of us now) is a good thing.

Yeah, that's about all I've got right now. It's late.

Goodnight Moon.

Auto Pilot

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 07:15:05 GMT

Everything inside of me hurts. Good gracious.

So, picture a typical cartoon bone. You know those boob-like nubs on the end? That's what my mom broke. The doctor used the word "shatter." So, it's not a pretty picture. Left upper arm, above the elbow. It major sucks.

I have no where near enough to say to warrant a new post, but here I am. Rambling.

Tonight was a pretty calm night. I worked an hour extra hour, which is kinda nice. There are lots of big things on the horizon, and I'm gonna be putting in lots and lots of extra hours I fear. I'm trying to keep my cool, and take it a day at a time. When I look at the whole picture, it will freak me out a little.

Got home late, drove home without any traffic. Watched a little TV, had myself a nice dinner and some wine (which I've totally been neglecting, by the way). I might play a little Final Fantasy 3 before bed... we'll see.

It's actually been kinda nice having a new game to play. I haven't actually sat and played video games for my own enjoyment in months, and months.

In addition to the girls up north pulling me their way, I've now got Florisarah trying to talk me into visiting her when she's in London. I'm flattered and all, but that just ain't gonna happen. You crazy girls.

Crazy, crazy girls.

Goodnight Moon.
Dream On.

Aural Nostalgia

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 05:22:51 GMT

This week is gonna be different, right? Seriously, this time. We can do this together. Just me and myself.

A whole lot of nothing has been going on lately. Everything's been quiet. I had a good weekend, spending a little bit of time with Mallory. Drinking, watching anime, and lots, and lots of talking. I do love me some good talks.

The latest big moving out plan has the word Irvine written all over it. Mal and I are both big fans of the area, but are also quite aware that it's a pretty expensive place. I've yet to really look around to price things out, but I know I'll be paying more than what I'm paying now. That's all fine and good if the whole thing happens. It's worth it to me, for sure.

Tera and Charrmaine, as always, are still pulling for me to come to LA. Both of them make the same claim: You know you're headed up here eventually, and its better to just move once, than twice. However, now that this Irvine plan has legs (albeit small ones) I'm feeling much more inclined to stay a bit more southern. Plus, I'd be a stone's throw from Disneyland, and I just can't argue with that.

There is this house just down the street from my parents' place with a brand new paint job. It's a color somewhere between mint green and sea-foam blue. It's a very bold color to paint an entire house, but I kinda dig it. I think it was done in that lovely 50's era atomic pop kind of motif. My suspicions of that were all but confirmed when last sunday there was a huge rockabilly party going on, with a half dozen beautiful hot rods parked out front.

It all makes me think about that someday when I get a place of my own. And you better believe I'm gonna do something equally as rad with my house.

My mom broke her arm today. Major bummer. It was just a misstep going up a curb, and down she went. Left arm, right above the elbow. You know, those big upper arm bones. Yikes. She seems to be doing just fine, all things considered. She will be going to the hospital again tomorrow to find out of she'll need surgery to set the bone, or just cast it up. She's gonna go crazy without the use of her arm to play her Dr Mario!

Work has been pretty decent lately. Nothing too major and new going on. Things have been pretty busy, and I've been finding my peaceful spot by just putting my headphones on, and keeping my head down (both in an effort to focus on work, to dodge flying ping-pong balls).

I'm excited about Disneyland already... which means the rest of this week is going to go super slow.

One year ago today...

Goodnight Moon.
Maybe, Someday.

This Is One For The Good Days

Fri, 08 Aug 2008 07:56:11 GMT

Where does the time go? Here today...

Last night I went to the ballet. It was pretty damn awesome. Earlier in the week Kirsten sent me a text asking if I'd be interested, and my immediate reply was "only hell yes!" I only knew it as "The Danny Elfman Ballet," the first ballet he's ever written. I figured, absolute worst case scenario, I'd get to hear some awesome music performed by an orchestra. So, last night Kirsten, Marke, and his new friend Lauren (Laura? Shoot...) and myself all went up to Costa Mesa. And good times were had by all!

I've been hanging out with Mallory a little less than usual these past few days. However, it seems that when we do hang, we click a little better than we usually do. Perhaps we've found a good balance of time apart and time together. Or maybe, it's something else. Either way, it's been very pleasant when we hang out. Lots of conversation, and laughs. Tomorrow we are hanging out at her place. We have plans for drinks and anime. So, y'know, that's pretty damn awesome.

Next weekend is going to be pretty great, too. Mal and I will be going to Disneyland on the 16th, and the day before will be a nice house party at her place while her parents are out of town. How Jr. High! Maybe that should be the theme? We could play truth or dare, and seven minutes in heaven, and shit like that.

This moving situation that I keep bitching, complaining, crying about might be sorting itself out. It's a long term plan... nothing's gonna happen until the end of the year, at the earliest. But having a plan feels better than just floating along.

I've also been putting lots of work into redesigning my portfolio website. I'm hoping to land a few freelance jobs here and there. Even one every other month would give me just a little extra dough to make things more comfortable. Little step, by little step.

Trying to stay positive, because I'm tired of the alternative.

Goodnight Moon.
Maybe, Someday.

Still Applicable Today

Mon, 04 Aug 2008 06:49:12 GMT

Yeah... It's kinda been a while, I know. I think I've been waiting for something more positive to talk about. Lately, there's been nothing but mope inside my head. Things still suck, I'm still blue, and I'm still pretending things are not those things.

Where's my thunderstorm? Where's the big hurricane that's gonna turn my life on its head? I'm waiting. I'm waiting so patiently.

For a while I was starting to wonder if Charrmaine and Tera got together behind my back and agreed to really put the heat on me to move north. If I had my druthers, I'd do it right away. But I tend to muck everything up. Make things far more complicated than it needs to be. I'm either taking the necessary steps, or I'm finding more excuses. I'm far better at doing one of those, than the other.

Things between Mallory and I have kind of taken a turn for the weird. In some ways, things are better than they have been in a long time. However, we tend to be getting into... disagreements, a little more frequently. It's quite likely due to my... moods, which I definitely keep in mind. It's very interesting to take a step back and watch these things unfold. It's a little eerie.

Things've gotta start looking up eventually, right?

Goodnight Moon.

After This..

Mon, 28 Jul 2008 08:23:06 GMT

Once again, SDCC is over. I came, I saw, and I had my ass handed to me. I am super pooped right now and can't wait to slide between those sheets behind me.

I managed to see everyone I wanted to see, and avoid everyone I didn't want to see. Can't argue with that! Sat in on 3 panels, didn't buy a lot (which is bittersweet), had some fairly decent food, and of course had lots of good times.

The Lost panel Saturday morning was pretty great. I felt bad for ~~not letting~~ strongly suggesting against Mallory going. I've been super strict and paranoid about spoilers, and it was a given that being in the panel would ruin the rest of the next season and a half for her. The questions asked by everyone during the Q&A session were pretty pathetic, actually. But seeing Damon and Carlton (and Matthew Fox) in the flesh was great. Plus the little Dharma Initiative interruptions were pretty great.

Today, to make up for the Lost panel, I sat through a panel for Supernatural with Mallory. She's hooked on the show, and I think it's quite silly. But I wanted to make it up for ditching her for Lost, so I sat through it. Politely. And even though I still hate the show, I'm kind of glad I went because I feel I now have far more a solid reason to dislike it. The director man is a jerk to the cast, and an even bigger jerk to the fans.

I bought an art book from an artist I've really been liking lately, Ragnar. He autographed it and drew a little girlie face in it. I lucked out at the Sideshow collectables booth and got a $15 gift card. Mallory got one for $75. Having no use for it, she gave it to me. And I fully intend to buy a Ragnar vinyl figure, that I wanted since last ComicCon. So, that worked out way nicely. Those are the only two things I bought this Con.

I think, going forward, I'd like to maybe dedicate the last day of con (or the first? I don't know) to going by myself. I feel bad dragging who ever I'm with around, having to pause to look at random things, or stopping to take photos. I'd kinda like the freedom to roam, without feeling guilty about it all. Reminds me a lot of being at Disneyland with a group of people when I get hit with the urge to take some photos. I feel like a puttz putting everyone else on hold while Chris gets his artsyfarts on.

I managed to run into Adam, which was a pleasant surprise! Adam and Joel were together, and Mal and I ran into them towards the end of Friday. We chatted for a good long while, and made plans to hang at Joel's later. By the time that rolled around, both of us were mighty haggard. Mallory had been fighting nausea all day long, and it all came back once we got to Joel's so we didn't end up staying very long at all. Which I feel pretty bad about. I would have gone back, after taking her home, if I wasn't so damn tired.

Seriously. So. Exhausted.

I've got a lot of photos from all 3 days up on my Flickr, including those god damned creepy girls. My favorite photo from ComicCon... this guy, reading porno in line for the Supernatural panel next to us.

Tomorrow is a new week, and with it.... new challenges.

One year ago tomorrow.

Goodnight Moon.

Dirty Sweaty Money

Sat, 26 Jul 2008 06:25:15 GMT

SDCC Day One:

Show floor is just as crowded (yet still awesome) as I ever remember. Distinct lack of ConFunk, but maybe I'm just getting used to it.

The Dharma Initiative booth is kinda...... freaky.

Not as freaky as this. (Not my photo... but the one I took of those two looks identical. Freaky, I tell you.)

My first panel ever, one on Ghostbuster, with Dan Aykroyd... was canceled.

The next panel was Ghost Hunters, with Jason and Grant!!

Jason and Grant "couldn't make it," but still had crew guys I didn't really know. Mini-yay.

Saw Samuel L Jackson, Seth Rogan, and Simon Pegg walking around.

Ran into Adam (yay!!) and Joel! Hung out for two hours, got caught up.

Didn't end up buying anything on day one -- which I consider a good thing. Budget wisely.

Panel for Lost tomorrow at noon. Meet up with Todd and Beth. Gonna be great!!

God I'm fucking tired....

Goodnight Moon.
Dream On.

Nothing's Changed

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 08:38:30 GMT

Gotta love all these Mac Apps that help me get my shit done. I'm now blogging using a new program called MarsEdit, which is pretty damn sweet.

Comic Con 2k8 is breathing down my neck, and I've yet to have any reaction. It's confusing the hell out of me, quite honestly. I spend so much time during the year looking forward to this madness of geekitude, and now that it's actually here, I'm a little... "meh" about it.

I'm blaming my work load. There is just a shit load of stuff to be done, and taking days off during the busiest month is not helping matters at all. Last time I took a Friday off to go to Disneyland with Alex, I accidently left with work unfinished. It was kind of a big deal, and I unintentionally threw a wrench in an already overworked machine. So, now I'm super paranoid and extra careful to make sure all loose ends are tied up before taking another day off.

I'm also missing out on a really cool event Charrmaine invited me to, due to newfound fear of taking days off. It's an "Academy Event," as in "The Academy of Motion Pictures and whatever-the-fuck-the-rest-of-that-title-is." A seminar on sound mixing, and things and stuff that is generally over my head, but it sounded really cool.

Anyway. Comic Con 2k9. I'll be going Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. The big Lost panel is on Saturday, and I'm gonna try my damnedest to get into that. I know it fills up stupid fast. Todd and Beth went for preview night tonight, and from what I heard it was a mad house of people.

I think as soon as I get around those hot cosplay girls, and get a whiff of the trademark "ConFunk," I'll start to feel right at home and liven up.

Until then... Forward, March.

Goodnight Moon.
Dream On

It Runs Deep

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 07:43:10 GMT

It's like that old anecdote about the frog. Little by little, the water reaches boiling and the poor frog never realizes it until he's cooked alive.

Little by little, my life has changed (or more accurately, not changed) until suddenly I realize I am completely miserable with everything I have (or more accurately, don't have).

When we sing this song without words... And dance this dance without steps.

Once again I started feeling the itch of Las Angeles. Or, more accurately... North. I remember, not too long ago, saying so clearly "all roads point north." And I ignored it. And stayed right here. Little by little, I'm feeling like there's nothing left for me where I am (that is not meant to be taken personally, oh friends of mine. i'm thinking big picture here).

Nothing has changed. What happened to the big storm that was going to come and shake up my life? I kept waiting when I should have been making waves.

There's not a lot of sand left in the hourglass. And I don't have a plan for when it's empty.

So, I clearly need a game plan. Before that, I need a goal. I need to figure out exactly what it is I'm after... instead of this "I don't know what I want, but I know I'm not happy" bullshit. Same old song. Same old dance. Old. Old. Old. Old. Old...

No, really. I'm fine.

Goodnight Moon.
Right beside you.

Irresponsible Splendor

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 08:40:03 GMT

This was one of the businest weekends I've had in some time. While it may not have been the smartest thing for me to have done, I have no regrets. You only live once.

I took Friday off and went up to Disneyland with Alex for her birthday. It was a really, really good day! The weather was very cooperative, the park wasn't too crowded, we rode everything on our list at least once, and we ate some delicious food. Boy did we ever. Monte Cristo sandwiches, Mickey beignets, mint juleps... and that was just lunch! We spent over two hours at Pizza Port talking about everything under the sun (but mostly politics) over a plate of that delicious pasta I love so much. Oh my! It was truly a great day.

We stayed up at Disneyland until midnight, and slowly made our way back home. I was in bed just a few minutes before 3 in the morning, only to wake up five hours later and do the whole thing over again!

Mallory and Tiffany met me at my place, and we drove up to Hollywood to spend the day running around. The original plan was to have Carrie, Sarah and Natalie ride up with me in the big Soccer Mom Mobile, but that all fell through last minute. They drove up separately (this was a major source of drama for the first part of the day...). The three of us had about an hour to walk around Hollywood and Highland for a while before meeting up with the other 3 girls at Pink's.

Now, I've never heard of this Pink's hot dog place until a few weeks ago. Lots of hype surrounds them, with their line that wraps around the building at any hour of the day. So, I stood in line for an hour and a half for a hot dog, all the while afraid this might just turn out to be another Krispy Kreme situation. Sure, they're great doughnuts, but the hype built it up way beyond. However -- good god! That was a very good hot dog! Nacho cheese chili cheese dog. For the fucking win!

After that, we all made our way back to The El Capitan to buy our tickets and to catch up with Charrmaine. We were able to get a little one-on-one time for a few minutes, which is always a treat. Later, there was some... fun times (for lack of a more accurate word) while in line, involving much awkwardness between Mallory and I. I think we can all laugh about it now... right? Right.

Wall-E, that movie. God damn. I won't talk much about it (until I make my "Pixar is the greatest fucking company on Earth post at a later date), but I will say.... holy shit. I cried. So. Many. Times.

Not always because of plot stuff -- many times because of grandma stuff.

After the movie, the group of us finally accomplished our goal we set out to do about three years ago! To finish a "Mickey's Masterpiece" at the ice cream shop next door. 8 scoops of ice cream, three toppings (including marshmallow creme!), and an entire can of whipped cream, all served in a giant Mickey sorcerer's hat. Did we eat the whole thing? You better believe it.

Everyone took off to meander throughout the store, while Charrmaine and I stayed behind and got more chatting time in. We have so much to talk about, and it was good to tackle some of it. I can't wait until I get to go up and spend the day again up there. I also really need to take Tera out for a night and fun... and lots of drinks.

Today was much slower (thank goodness) but still eventful. I got a lot of cleaning done around here, some laundry, and dishes and other silly domestic stuff. Mallory came over for a little while to finish up the last three episodes of season two of Lost. We ate pizza, which I have decided will be the last of junky food for one week (one more of the many little challenges I'm giving myself). Later, Todd, Beth and Pilot came over to play some Guitar Hero with us. Danny refused to come out of his room.

This next week will need to be much less eventful while I recover. Sounds like a good excuse to just stay home and watch movies, right?

Right.

Goodnight Moon.
Dream On.

Blue Note

Thu, 10 Jul 2008 08:00:29 GMT

"It is clear that I must find my other half. But is it a he or a she? What does this person look like? Identical to me? Or somehow complimentary? Does my other half have what I don't? Did he get the looks? The luck? The love? Were we really separated forceably or did he just run off with the good stuff? Or did I?

Oh, you know it's a depressing night when I start a post with a Hedwig quote.

There was definitely a blue note cast upon today. I might even be willing to say it's been all week long. There seems to be (as there usually is) a confusing mixture of so much going on at once, while being so bored with nothing to do.

This is, in part, due to this damned apartment and the company I keep. To be more specific, the lack of company I keep. Coming home to this place... alone, empty, dark. It eats away at me sometimes. I've been saying it for a lifetime, and being told otherwise for what feels like longer: I am not meant to be alone. I cannot handle it. I wish I could go further into this topic, but to be perfectly honest, I'm just too embarrassed about it.

I need to keep a level head in the coming months. Make sure the reasons behind my actions are just.

I'm giving myself the rest of this week to continue these feelings, and then they need to end. Good god, I really need this weekend.

"Get a cat," she said.

Goodnight, Moon.
Deny me and be doomed.